Today, I’d like to briefly explore the subject of weaknesses.
I’m not talking about weaknesses in the sense of having a weakness for chocolate or cute animals, but chronic, unresolved issues you and I struggle with.
I don’t know if I’m the only one feeling this way:
– weaknesses are like a taboo subject
– if you have a weakness, it’s not nice to bother people with your problems
– it seems that struggles should be private, not public
– you feel stupid coz you can’t solve your issues so easily
– no matter how hard you try, you just feel like a loser
– no one really understands you, and you also dunno how to explain because you’re feeling so many different emotions at once, caused by so many different things
– sharing your problems makes you look ungrateful even though you really are grateful
– crying is common. It’s not like you really like to cry, but there’s nothing else you can do to release your emotions
– you are constantly bombarded with articles on X ways to be perfect, but those speak to the mind, when you really want something that speaks to your heart
– your worries, struggles are dismissed, stereotyped, misunderstood if you try to even explain
– there’s no one to talk to who truly understands
– you stopped being able to talk to God, aren’t sure if He exists, and although you miss the previous comfort of having a higher being to surrender everything to, you can’t quite go back to how things used to be because is He even real?
– you always go out carrying tissues
– you live in constant fear of unfulfilling other people’s expectations
– every step you take is full of landmines and you feel like an actor on a stage where the audience is just waiting to throw tomatoes at you
– you have so many things running through your mind, but you can’t describe them to someone else
– you can’t sleep well
– tomorrow feels like a trap
– should you be yourself in your naked ugly glory, or pretend to be someone you’re not just so the world will stop staring at you?
– you try very hard to please people, to be useful, to give your all, but in your preoccupation, you make a huge mistake due to a weakness and you wonder what’s the point of it all
– sometimes you just want to run away and hide, be left alone, be invisible, give up
– but not yet, because you always want to give life another shot, another go
– one day if you’re pushed to the breaking point, you think you’ll do something extreme before you can stop yourself
– you don’t like people asking you what’s wrong, because it forces you to decide how honest to be with them and if there are any repercussions if you say what you truly feel
– you understand why other people run away, by drugs, medication, gaming, gambling, alcohol, anything to dull the pain. But you don’t dabble in such things, you try hard to find constructive ways to cope with your pain and solve it. Yet you’re still in the dumps.
– people think you’re proud and unapproachable, when you just don’t really know the right words and actions they expect from you
Source: Middletown Bible Church
– rejection is hard, because you tried so hard but still failed
– for ladies, you have to steel yourself once a month at that time of the month against extreme periods of depression and feeling so vulnerable
– for men, your stress comes from other people thinking you’re not a man if you can’t solve your own problem. Talking about it is whining and weak
By the way, for those who are still reading this article and want to know why people commit suicide, here you go.
If you know someone who has postpartum depression but cannot understand why, read this.
This article has no solution or advice, I’m only spelling out how it feels to struggle with weaknesses and the loneliness in the struggle.
Also published on Medium.